Well that's just weird
by GreatIceDragon
Summary: A series of events that show how Peter's life was already strange before he started wearing red-spandex and fighting crime. T for some language. Now with an event after he dons the spandex!
1. Chapter 1

**A random New York Middle School, Peter**** Parker is in 7****th**** grade.**

"You can't do that!"

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't! You cannot evolve a Charmander into a Charzard!" Peter argued. Had he never played Pokémon before? One cannot simply evolve a _Charmander _into a _Charzard_! You have to evolve into a Charmeleon first!

"Let's check the rule book! I've got mine with me." challenged Flash. He opened to the page about evolution and read out "'Players cannot skip a stage of evolution'...Hey! That's not fair! Now I can't win!"

Peter laughed. "That's why I put down the cards that did! Now I have you beat!" Flash looked up menacingly.

"No, I have you beat!" Flash threw a vicious punch at Peter hat hit him square in the jaw, Peter, being the 4' 9'' middle-schooler that he was, flew backwards and slid on the floor. "Dude!" he cried "It's just Pokémon!"

**A random New York High school; in an auditorium**

This was the stupidest test Peter had ever taken. Why were high schoolers required to take standardized tests? They weren't challenging, they weren't even interesting. Why, Peter might go so far as to say they were a waste of time!

As the assistant principal walked by, Peter moaned "This is so stupid. Why do we have to be here? This is so unnecessary..." The Assistant Principal gave him a sharp look and said crisply "Mr. Parker, if I hear one more word out of you, you will be sent home for three days!" With a glare, the Assistant Principal walked stiffly away.

'Sign me up!' thought Peter, though he didn't say so out loud. Then Peter got an idea. A terrible, awful idea. He rose suddenly from his seat and ran up onto the stage. He grabbed a microphone and shouted "Hey Mr. Loftant! You want to send me home? BE MY FUCKING GUEST!"

Peter only got sent home for the rest of the day.

To this day, they hold standardized tests in the classrooms instead of the auditorium.

After the incident in the auditorium, Peter was sent to the head honcho; the principal. She looked down at him disapprovingly. "Mr. Parker, what inspired you to run onto the stage and shout vulgarities?" Peter started a jumbled rant about the 'freedom of speech' and 'free country', when Mrs. Salinas cut him off. "Mr. Parker, you seem to have a problem with authority." She said this like she was delivering hospital patient fatal news.

Peter looked up incredulously. "Yeah," he challenged "so get out of my face!" Mrs. Salinas glared down at him. "Young man!"She said tightly "go the other office immediately!" Peter smiled sarcastically.

"Um, I have a problem with authority, and you're authority, so I'm gonna go with no."

**In the locker room**

"Hey, did you see the latest debate that out team won? God, Gwen was amazing..." Flash looked up at Peter from the other side of the locker room. "Gwen? Ha! That girl's so easy. She's such a slut..."

Peter glared back indignantly. "Don't say that! Gwen is awesome." Flash laughed derisively. "Looks like someone's got a little crush on Gwen! A cute, little schoolboy crush..."

Peter turned away, trying to gather himself. Flash came up behind him and grabbed Peter in a headlock. "What'cha gonna do now, Parker." he said through gritted teeth. Peter instinctively grabbed Flash's arm and flipped him over his shoulder, onto a bench in front of him. While Flash moaned in pain, Peter stared at his hands in amazement. 'I finally won a fight!' he thought excitedly 'I finally won a fight!'

**Hope you enjoyed! All of these events actually happened to my Volleyball coach. He lives an interesting life... Please Review and tell me what**** you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I decided to add another chapter to this one-shot. This event also actually happened to my volleyball coach! But now the season's over, and I miss him a lot. :( The cover picture is of my volleyball team after we went through the regular season undefeated. The deal was that he would wear a tutu if we did... **

After being bitten by a mutated spider and fighting a psychotic Lizard Man hell-bent on destroying life as he knew it, Peter had unsurprisingly been much busier than before. Now every common criminal wanted to earn a vestibule of fame by dressing up in an obnoxious costume and commit "themed" crimes. This night in particular had been awful. He had arrested a colorful array of villans including "Evil Sherlock Holmes, Eggman, Hat-man, Roger, and Calender man.

Yes, the villany lately had been deplorable.

After this, his most bizzare patrol night to date, Peter was _extremely _hungry, Unfortuneately, it was also two a.m. The only thing that was open was a shady waffle house that was open all night and day.

With a shrug of his shoulders, Peter decided it was worth it.

Upon entering the resturant, Peter couldn't help but feel he had made a huge mistake. A diminutive man in a ttan rench coat much too long for him was standing in front of the counter, appaerntly waiting for his order of waffles. The man wore a matching hat that shadowed his face, but he appeared not to notice the newest customer.

Peter slowly walked behind the man, not wanting to initaite ANY conversation. Quick as a whip, the pilled out a bottle filled with a dark, vicous liquid and swigged about half of it. The man took a shuddering breath and resumed his position at the counter.

Peter blinked in surprise. Did that really just happen...?

The man was getting antsier and antsier, rapidly tapping his foot, drumming his fingers on the counter. Peter resisted the urge to ask him if he had somewhere to be.

Finally, the man exploded "This place has awful service!" The man swigged the rest of his liquid, pulled a car stereo out of the depths of his trench coat, and strode out of the resturant.

Peter felt a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around to see a pale white boy in a black cape standing mere inches from his face.

"Do you play Dungeons and Dragons?" the boy near hissed. "We're one person short." Peer had trouble finding his voice.

"Umm, no, no I don't." Peter said quickly. The boy looked peeved.

"Pity!" the boy snarled, and stalked back to a corner, hwere other Emo Vampires were surrouned by what looked like paper work.

By now, Peter was _severely _creeped out. Were all waffle houses this creepy? Peter hadn't even seen a person at the register. He decided to leave, before things got as weird as his elemtery school...

**Please read and review, as well as check out my cousin's story. "Liz- the unknown savior." Have a great spring everybody!**


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